Have you ever been in a space where the energy is so wonderful...you know whole heartedly that God is present?

Have you ever had an experience where God was palpable? It seemed like you could touch him?

Have you ever been in a space where the energy is so wonderful...you know whole heartedly that God is present?

Well that’s how I felt tonight at McGinnis mass at UD. For me, being a Catholic I believe in celebrating the Eucharist and connecting in this intimate way, I believe whole heartedly that I am being changed through this ongoing connection with God...BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN I ALWAYS FEEL THAT WAY AT MASS.

For me, easier entry points to experience God are often when I am awed by nature, others, or experiences in my own life. So tonight is one that will stick out in my mind.

It’s funny because the first half my mind was running...not focusing...not having the right disposition at all.  People said the homily was amazing...but I was having trouble focusing, I can’t really say...

But, I can say that during the Our Father I looked up... and saw everyone in front of me linked by chain after chain of hands holding hands, praying together. I was overcome by a profound sense of...so THIS is community. THIS is Church. THIS is how we pray. And I was so thankful. Suddenly I became aware of the energy in the room...the very real sense that God was so in that moment. How self absorbed am I that I almost missed it?

From then on, my senses were on high alert, just soaking it all in.  From watching around the room as these college students gave communion out to each other. How cool is that! Looking around, I just knew God is here. Look how God is moving in our lives! This is a place of Holy Ground.

It all culminated with amazing music. We have  wonderful students musicians and a new drummer who rocks the house. Student faces light up and they are even starting to dance! I know my face hurt from smiling so much. It was quite the celebration! Afterwards I thought...this is how a liturgy should be. There is so much joy in this room...there is so much love in this room...God is so..very really present...in this room.

Thank you God for awakening me to your presence, Forgive me for being too self absorbed and almost missing it. Thank you for grabbing my attention and allowing me to see it.  God you are Amazing!! What a great introduction to Lent!!

Leading with the heart

"Lord Ill be Forever Chasing After You"

Since High school, running has become part of my life. It created challenges,and joys-It tested and surprised me. It taught me about my weaknesses and strengths. It showed me how to set a goal and to meet it, and what to do when you fall short. Running gave me a family, memories, and kept me healthy, sane and fit.

Since College, me and running have gone through a love hate relationship. Some phases where I have been dedicated to regular running(usually while training for a race) other times, there are long gaps, even months between runs. I think at first, after college I needed a break, but recently I have been aching for the time and motivation to get to regular running again.

In my life, I have noticed a connection between healthy running habits and a healthy prayer life. When I am disciplined in one area, I tend to be in others. Also, running often becomes my prayer...Lord motivate me today...God help me get through this run...or just simply quiet de-stress time with God.

Since the farm, I have struggled to have a constant strong faith/prayer life. It sounds lame, but I have been too busy to give God my time. Crazy I know!
At a service on campus a while back I heard this song(posted below an excerpt) with the lines:

I'll be chasing after You
And I'll be forever chasing after You
I'll be chasing after You
Oh.. Lord

Verse 2:
I press toward the mark
For the prize and I wont faint
I wont faint
There's one thing that I desire
And that’s what I’m going for
I can’t continue life
Day by day growing dry
I need to be with you Jesus
I'll seek where You are"

To me this made sense. It reminded me of running.During a race where I was often fighting in the back one of two things would happen. I would zero in, focus and use all I had to catch or beat those ahead of me. I would work to close the gap until my body gave out...determined never to give up. I kept working even if the gap never got smaller. OR, I would try but let my head get in the way...and sometimes subconsciously ...almost give up. It was too hard, it took too much work. To have the race I wanted I usually had to get past my own mind, my own head, and run with my heart. If I let me heart lead I worked no matter what. BUT if I let me head lead, it got in the way.

This reminded me of my prayer life, and where I still need to grow. I think God is asking me to pray more from my heart and less with my head. To seek a relationship with him with all my heart, without analyzing, thinking too much, or letting questions and fears get in the way. I know that if I can do this, I will find this closer relationship God is calling me to.

So, pray that I exercise my heart more. In my running life but mostly in my faith life.

Help me to love and seek you Lord, I want to be forever chasing after you...

Help me to seek you Lord, no matter how far away I feel, no matter how far between us the gap feels, and no matter how much change(scary!) you are asking me to go through. Don't let me be comfortable Lord, but rather help me to be comfortable being uncomfortable...As I forever chase after you Lord.







Lyrics to Chasing After You (The Morning Song) :
Verse 1:
Each and every day
I will seek Your face
My soul is crying out for more
I want more of You
I won't be satisfied
Nor content where I am
So I will apprehend
Til I'm captured by what I'm after

Chorus:
And I will go from faith to faith
From glory to glory
And I will go from faith to faith
From glory to glory
And I'll forever be chasing after You
I'll be chasing after You
And I'll be forever chasing after You
I'll be chasing after You

Oh.. Lord

Verse 2:
I press toward the mark
For the prize and I wont faint
I wont faint
There's one thing that I desire
And that’s what I’m going for
I can’t continue life
Day by day growing dry
I need to be with you Jesus
I'll seek where You are

And I will go from faith to faith
From glory to glory
And I will go from faith to faith
From glory to glory
(Repeat)

And I'll forever be chasing after You
I'll be chasing after You
And I'll be forever chasing after You
I'll be chasing after You
(Repeat 2)

And I will go from faith to faith
From glory to glory
And I will go from faith to faith
From glory to glory

And I’ll forever be chasing after You

Parkinson's Unity Walk

Each year my family attends the Parkinson's Unity Walk which is a huge fund for research for Parkinson's disease. Since my mom was diagnosed my family has made it a priority to participate. Each year it is such a gift all of the people who come out to support my mom and her team, Team kelty. So many who can not make the actual walk come and support through donations of money and time to keep Team Kelty's efforts to raise fund for PD alive. This year my mom and her army of devoted helpers were able to raise over 7,000 dollars for the walk. This is awesome!

Also, for the walk itself we had a great turnout. It was an alright day..a little cold but the rain held out. Many of my friends in the area came...thank you all for the support...it means more then I can write!

Have you ever known that you are right where you needed to be?

I have been struggling a bit lately finding time for things I need in my life at home in NY. My family is so busy, but busy in a different way then at the farm(I still do not have a grasp on how exactly just yet). I feel like there is always something that needs to be done and yet I am not finding time for God. I need to find a way to make room for God in my daily schedule...and yet I also feel that this is where I am meant to be.

Today I had a couple of those moments where things felt so perfect. I was so grateful for the day I was given and I know now that these are the type of experiences I came home for.

It was hard for me to leave the farm and I think part of me could have stayed and been very happy there. Yet, I wanted to reconnect with my home. I was tired of missing out of family time, younger cousins growing up, my siblings sporting events, family TV time, and the ability to soak in all the love and wisdom from my grandparents. All these things I wanted back...and yet it was still hard to go.

Today, I knew I was where I was supposed to be. I spent the day at Marist speaking to campus ministry students who volunteer weekly. Students came at different times through the day and it was neat getting to practice my ministry skills...running the discussions and sharing My story with the students. In between talks I was able to wander campus. I ran into many old friends from coaches to fellow alumni to favorite professors. The love I felt by so many amazing people was overwhelming. Towards the end of my day I was invited to a dinner and talk on campus. At first I felt uneasy about the invite because I was not dressed for the occasion. However I said yes( Michaela was sleeping over a friends house and the rest of the fam was in Ireland so it was a perfect set up). Long story short I got to have a fancy dinner with some of my favorite professors, I got to eat great food and listen and partake in good conversations. Also another highlight was the guests speaker who works at the University of Dayton. I got to meet him and talk about the program I am going to. I also enjoyed his speech and the questions asked afterwards. Overall I felt like it was a day meant for me and I am thankful I am back to be able to participate in such things.

Refelctions on Noah's Ark

The more time I find myself removed from the farm, the more I find myself finding wisdom in the experiences I had there. My time at the farm has transitioned from my current life story to more of an abstract memory...its hard to believe I actually did all those things...little old me(with the help of one big God that is)

One thing that has struck me is the image of Noah's ark. During my last week at the Farm, I was looking at my room walls trying to soak in the space...wanting to preserve it to my memory. As I looked around at the decorations that the room came with and the ones I added, I looked at familiar images of what I believe and love. suddenly I noticed a wooden image of Noah's Ark! It had been there my entire time and I lived among that symbol during my 18 months at the farm without realising what it stood for. Even during the floods...which I consider a dark time in my faith life...I was tired. I was so in the middle of it all I forgot to breathe and rest. And yet, God had this little sign of hope in my own bedroom...in my comfort space there was the symbol of this ark....that life moves on, there is hope after the hard times as long as you have faith there will always be hope. I found it interesting that I found this ark special not during the floods but only after I was to leave that space. I guess sometimes even when you are looking for signs of hope, we are too consumed in ourselves we miss what is right in front of us.

New York Transitions

In the last month I have been working on the transition from KY life to NY life. At first I have to be honest...it was difficult. Not that I was not excited to be home...because boy, did I miss my family! But, I was sad to leave my KY families and scared to how I might fail living the GOD life outside of the farm where it was up to me.

I think I was confused and st some times I admit socially awkward..not used to the NY type of business. Yet, after being here, I have slowly been able to let go of the farm...and not worry so much about those I have had to say goodbye to. I think as I have relaxed a bit..I have been able to find my rhythm at home...be present with the ones I love and have missed so very much...and enjoy the change back.

Here is a song whose lyrics have been helpful in my journey
"This Is The Stuff" Lyrics
by Francesca Battistelli | from the album Hundred More Years


I lost my keys in the great unknown
And call me please
Cause I can't find my phone

(CHORUS)
This is the stuff
That drives me crazy
This is the stuff
That's getting to me lately
In the middle of my little mess
I forget how big I'm blessed
This is the stuff
That gets under my skin
But I've gotta trust
You know exactly what Your doing
Might not be what I would choose
But this is the stuff You use

45 in a 35
Sirens and fines
While I'm running behind

(CHORUS)

To break me of impatience
Conquer my frustrations
I've got a new appreciation
It's not the end of the world...

This is the stuff
That drives me crazy
This is the stuff
Someone save me
In the middle of my little mess
I forget how big I'm blessed
This is the stuff
That gets under my skin
But I've gotta trust
You know exactly what Your doing
Might not be what I would choose
But this is the stuff You use

The image of the well

A couple months ago..God placed on my heart the image of the well. It was in responding to a chaperones questioning that I proceeded to explain that I felt my well was empty. I felt I had failed the group because I was just too tired to really get to know them all. This conversation happened after the floods, during the robbery time. Anyways I wa shocked when the chaperone seemed shocked. She replied...whatever well youre drawing from, it must be deeper then you think..because our group had no idea you were running on empty. This got me thinking...that if God supplies my well...then it never really will be dry as long as my life is in line with Gods will. This conversation stuck with me and then faded until recently. It campe up again as i refelected on my time at the farm. Looking back..I was not the well or even the water, God was. Looking back I now see that I was merely the bucket, or the vessel that was used to carry the water out to others. Over these past 18 months all of the grace I have experienced and shared it wasnt me at all, but God working thorough me. I only hope and pray that I can continue to be the vessel in Gods well for the rest of my life.

Last weeks in Lewis County

Some of the downfall to making friends is that when you have to move, you have to say goodbye. My last couple weeks in Lewis County were beyond busy. If I could make up a new word for it I would. Each day was planned out with last moments with all I care about. My nights were filled with Grad school apps and present making for the friends i had made. It was craziness..little sleep, lots of tears, and lots of laughs.

Some of the highlights include a trip with George down to see Gods Pantry the food supplyer of our pantry. It was neat seeing all of the other people and the other steps involved in the food hand out process. I also was able to drive to Lexisgton and toward Louisville, and Morehead. I saw an old friend in cinci, and many of my new friends in the county. I brought people to doctors and the hospital and I got to visit a Folk Art museum. I went out to eat and had dinners made for me and I learned to drive a fork lift. I got to see a friend get pie in the face and I got to work with both construction crews. Whew..it was busy, and it was good. I did not get to see all I cared for, and I did not get to say final goodbyes, yet I did get to spend a little time with many. I am blesses to have made so many good friends.

Putting God First

At church this past weekend they discussed the idea of being called. The priest mentioned that we are called and sometimes that call hurts us or others but we must do it because that is what is best for us. I have been thinking a lot about calls and discernment and my will verses Gods will. Part of me could stay in Lewis County and part of me needed to go. In the end, I had to follow where God needed me to be right now which was in New York. Yet, the move was hard for some of my friends I was leaving behind. Yet, it all makes sense what you look at what God needs from us verses others. Just a need perspective...having the courage to follow God's will is difficult...

RIP Bonzo and Mr. Beaglesworth.

For those that do not know, Bonzo and Mr. Beaglesworth have been the farm animals for years. They both are unique characters who love to sleep during the day, eat compost, and bark all night long. They were beloved by volunteers and farm mangers alike, a constant on the ever changing farm. My first friend at the farm was Bonzo, he kept me company the first day as my family was leaving. He sat right next to me as I remained outside trying to journal and figure out all my feelings. Over the year there were many moments when we thought Bonzo may die. He was old for an outside dog and did not move around as he used to. He hobbled up steps and shivered in the cold. In the summer, he looked like he would wilt form the heat of all his hair. Yet, he survived these conditions. Many nights I went to bed praying that Bonzo would still be there in the morning..and he was. Never was I worried about Mr. Beaglesworth. Yet, this winter he suddenly lost tons of weight and passed away. About a month later Bonzo became sick and passed away as well. It was a sad day for the farm, but in the end I know they are both in a a better place. Now, the farm has Aurora..a spunky dog who loves people and is loved in return. She will not replace my dear old friends,because they will always be remembered.

I Love New York

In February, the farm was blesses with volunteers from the New York area. It was an amazing week. One that was worth staying for. I thank the students for their openness, their energy, and their laughter. It was really nice to work with people who understood where I came form for a change. At the end of the week, I left feeling as though I truly do love New York!

Christmas came and went

Christmas is gone and it is already 2011!! What the heck? Where did the time go? Where did the last year go? I know I did not post any blogs during the Christmas season and I am sorry for that. I guess thats because I do not think I had a free moment during the season. I was so focused trying to fit it all in and be spiritually and materially ready for Christmas and God in my heart that well, things just felw by. Looking back, it was all filled with good things. The farm during christmas time is a busy place. We have so many friends here, that we want to let them all know how much we care. This year for some reason we did not get much sleep. We were up many hours during the night making cookies and cards for those we care for. I also was selling some cards so that kept me busy making sure each one was special. We did not have groups in December so normal tasks like the food pantry were still done and kept us busy. We were worried about project Merry Christmas this year, but it went so smooth! We had higher numbers then last year, we had to change locations, and we had a snow storm that forced us to have a second day of project! and yet...it went so well! It was fun this year seeing all of the faces, most of which were familiar to me now...it was fun helping people pick out presetns for their families. It was a joy filled event! Along with the work, me and the girls had fun doing some christmas stuff on our own! we had a cookie baking event with kids and teens, we had a door decorating contest, we played music, and decorated with our own snowflake creations, we saw concerts,crafted,celebrated and visited many who we care for. In the end, although hectic it was great!

After the food pantry handout, I headed back to NY. This time I drove alone. I know I know...it seems unlike me. For those who know of my direction, and driving in general challenges, well I sure have come along way. I made it to maggies place tired and ready for bed, but she met me with food and warmth and a huge hug. From there, my vactaion started. Over the holidays, things seem to blur together too. I saw many friends and family and was busy busy busy. I got to watch tim and michs games and chat with my parents. I got to spend some time with my grand and great grandparents which is always a special treat! I even got to clean out some of my lifes clutter. After working in the clothing pantry this long, I want to just get rid of all I do not need. Overall, it was a Christmas like it should be...filled with family and togetherness and coming home.

As always it was sad to leave, but it was also sad to come back to vanceburg..my now second home. I love it here and the people here and driving back well, I couldnt help but get sad that this would be my last drive back for at least a while...

What is your spiritual coffee

Question: what is your spiritual coffee? Answer: what?

Today at mass, the priest in Philly talked about how we all need coffee..to wake us up and keep us alert during the day. Physically we need coffee. Which, lately for my life has been true…I have converted and recently become a coffee lover. For those of you who knew how I desperately tried to avoid it even in college, well now I depend on it- long drives, long work days, many hours at the clothing pantry…when people ask how I will get it done I now reply coffee, and it is understood.
Well, this priest related coffee to spiritual life… He transitioned to advent and how we need to be ready for the Lord to come…we need to prepare ourselves and be awake. He posed an interesting question…what is your spiritual coffee? What keeps you awake and stimulates your faith? And honestly, I don’t know. He talked on the importance of prayer to a healthy growing prayer life…and well I pray each day…but I do not take quiet time to listen to God each day. He also talked about purple being the color of repentence and making sure you were right with the Lord. Hmmm…something to think about. So, I guess my challenge for Advent is to find my spirtual coffee…what in my life can awaken my spirituality and bring me where I need to be. Something to think about at least…

Turkey, Mr. Arlington, Friends, and Family

Thankful for Thanksgiving:

This year, we got a nice break for Thanksgiving. After pantry handout(410 families yikes!) we had almost a week to be off. Me and Allison had decided to drive home. She is on my way back so we were able to split the drive . Also, flights these days have been a bit crazy…so driving was a nice challenge to take on.
We made it pretty smooth. We even timed it so that I almost saw my old teammates finish their last XC race of the season(and for some of college). Go Foxes!!
My trip home was pretty great. Busy and full of visiting but nice. Actually it was full of watching the tape of Mr. Arlington…yeah, that’s right my brother won. I got a day with Nana and a day to visit Marist and sit in on a friends class. I also got to help tow my old red car out…man it did not want to leave me. That car was a trooper…whoever gets parts from it is lucky! We had a great Thanksgiving…full of family time and food! And of course I got to see a bit of Melly and Linds when I was home too! We capped the break off with the annual trip to Philly for the Oireachtas. Man, Irish dance is crazy…sometimes I forget…and yet I still love it. Tim and Mich danced great1 Especially for the amount of prep time other sports and injuries allowed them this year. Tim got third, which he deserved but was unexpected…Mich did great too..but for those who know Irish dance..well its just another thing for girls…she was in the seventies…like 4ish away from a recall…pretty good I think! And now, after a sad goodbye to the fam…I am off again to KY…to continue our work fro the week. It feels weird to not be going back with them…but I am just glad I am at a place that lets me go home. That lets me visit and be there when I need to. And….soon so soon I will be back for Christmas!

Lessons still to learn

Lessons still to learn:
The longer I am at the Farm, the more I am being challenged. Some things seem old and expected. So much so that I get tricked into thinking I know it all. Just as that confidence allows me to get a little cocky, well then I am hit with something new or my mind is changed about something. The Farm and the experience as a Farm Manager are different from other things in that the farm is ever changing. It seems as though it is in constant change. The Farm from last fall is a different farm than the one this fall or even the farm of this past summer. Its just different which is good and keeps me on my toes.
The last couple weeks were good for me at the farm. They made me feel as though I am supposed to be here still, in this place (because I had been questioning my decision a bit after Alex left) still, but soon perhaps I will be ready to go. The last couple groups were groups I had before and although some things were the same, others were different. I learned new things about people I had worked with in the past and learned to see them in a new light. I guess the lesson for me was to remain open and to trust…trust my decision to be here and trust the Lord. I do miss my family, and my home very very much. And yet, I feel I have made a farm family here. At times, coexisting between the two worlds has been difficult but I guess I will have to do it just a bit longer. Looking back one thing is for certain, I can see growth…growth towards the person God wants me to be. Of course, not with many steps backwards along the way, but overall I feel mostly I have been moving forward. The more steps forward I take, the more difficult the journey…so pray for me one my walk.
One change I see in myself now is that soon I will be at a place where I can say goodbye. Not too long ago, I would think of leaving Lewis county and I did not know how I could do it. How I could leave this lifestyle, the work, and mainly the people who had accepted me into their lives. Even though I miss home terribly, I was in a weird place. Now though, I know soon I will be at the place and soon ready to move on…I guess just not yet.

Thankful for Fall

The Last couple weeks at the Farm have been great. We have been so busy…I am not sure why. But it has been good. People invite us to hang out a lot. And, we do. As Thanksgiving approaches, I can’t believe its almost here and Christmas is just around the corner. This Fall has been full and challenging, but good. Pray that I continue to embrace all Fall has in store for me to enjoy and experience.

Halloween Adventures

Last year we had a group from Halloween, but this year we had the weekend free. We had to take advantage of it. We spent the Friday before having a sleepover with a local family. I had come off two hours of sleep and a seven hour drive back from Chicago so although pretty tired, it was still fun. We had good food and many dance parties. It was great! We got back to the farm on the 30th and got card board from our local dumpster. We painted wings for our costumes. I was a butterfly, Abby was a lady bug and Allison was a spider. Abby handed candy out at one house and me and Allison handed candy out in town. Kids do not really tick or treat where we live. It was so fun! Especially seeing everyone’s costumes. Afterwards we went to a costume party. It was pretty entertaining. I was happy with our spirited Halloween.

Mel's Wedding

Mels wedding seemed so smooth. Not that I was there to help much before hand. Melly and her family did the real work, but the days before seemed smooth to me. Melly was beautiful and in good spirits! The ceremony was beautiful(although cold). The reception was fuuuun. Those working it even told me it was one of the better ones they had worked which was nice. Thinking about our friendship over the past years, I am so lucky to have Mel in my life. I was honored she asked me to be in her bridal party. Seeing her and Tyler together, well you know it just works, I couldn’t be happier for them. Here’s wishing them many Blessings. It was a weird transition going from the farm to the wedding, but I was so thankful I was able to be there.

College Groups

College groups:
This fall, we were excited to have college groups again. Working with college students is much different then with high school students. Although I only worked half weeks with each group(I had to leave for Mellys wedding!!!) it was fun to be there when I could. They did a lot of good work and made it easy for us. During these weeks, I really saw us all clicking as a team. As farm managers, team work I believe makes the weeks better for volunteers. Seeing us work and understand each other a little better was fun. I know great things are to come.

Summer fades into Fall…we start the cycle all over again

As the summer groups end, me and Alex (along with Abby and Allison) start the school groups again. Our first group together was McNick high school. It was exciting to have our first group over again, but also a little nerve wracking. So many things had changed in the year, I knew I was very different. I was anxious to see how I would feel repeating groups. Overall, it was great! Things were easy and fun and I gained good perspective on my journey. Thank you for that.
The repeat groups allowed us to work with some of our favorites. Oh how fun! They were different than last year. They had different students, the work was different, and even the same people had changed in a year as I had. Yet, it was sill fun. We no longer had to go through all of the stupid get to know you stuff that you do when first meeting people, but we were able to connect on a deeper level. Alex made a good point. He said that relationship made at the farm although developed over a short time are deep and real. They are built around God and are thus created on a solid foundation. They are strong and long lasting because they are real. Being mine and Alex’s last full group together…well I lost it. Cried many times. Yet, they were tears of thankfulness for the friendship and the good times. Also tears that were scared to say goodbye. Over the next couple weeks, I was able to come to terms with his departure. I was able to say bye to many with him. With Alex leaving and saying bye, I felt it really was the ending of our year, mine his and Jamie’s…true friends till the end! As Alex left, I entered my new term, with Abby and Allison. So, Alex leaving was hard for me because I was losing the brother I had lived and worked with for over a year. And, I was not sure when I would see him next. Yet, with all the time I had to say bye, I was at a good place dropping him off in Chicago. I knew we would remain close. I also knew it was time for him to move on. As I drove away, back to the farm, well I felt weird. Part of me felt left behind that perhaps I should be moving on too. And yet, deep down I knew I was not ready to leave yet. And so, begins my second term at the farm. With an undetermined end date…trusting God to show me when I am done here. Until then, I remain happy to be doing this work. Still missing my family at home, but trying to show my KY family how much they mean to me while I am here.